Scouting With Your Child

Scouting with your child, being the parent of a Scout and a Scouter at the same time, can be one of the most enriching and memorable times you'll spend together. Naturally, there will be some difficult times, but we can avoid letting them derail the experiences for ourselves and our children if we prepare for them.

Characteristics that make a good parent and a good Scouter are similar, but we will not impose the exact expectations or authority we have for our children on our Scouts. Parents are likely to be more demanding, critical, and emotional when dealing with their child—separating the parental expectations for your child from the Scouting expectations you have for them as a Scout is tricky.

You will do and say things as a Scouter that make your child proud, but you'll probably say and do some things that make him cringe. They will, no doubt, return the favor. But, somewhere along the way, this is probably going to create some tension.

Your child's reasons for being a Scout are different from your reasons for being a Scouter. Sure, you want to spend time with your kid but, as we'd expect, they are probably more interested in spending time with their friends.

Parents and children have 'inside information' on each other. They know what goes on at home, school, and work; they know each other's history, strengths, and weaknesses. But, unfortunately, inside information is going to skew your judgment and objectivity.

We need to accept that we all have "blind spots" with our children. Having a trusted fellow Scouter help, watch for blind spots, and lend some objectivity to this complex relationship can make things much easier for you and your child. Then, of course, you can return the favor and watch for their blind spots too.

I'd urge you not to switch between the roles of Scouter and parent too often, don't treat your child as "your child" one minute and as "a Scout" the next; have a consistent approach that you and your child agree to ahead of time.

Some things I see when young Scouts and new Scouters go on their first couple of camping trips are a good illustration of opportunities to keep the two relationships separate:

• A child wanders over to dad or mom and asks for something (a cup or a spoon or something like that) and mom or dad runs off to get it for them. If a Scout approached a Scouter with the same request, what would we do? We'd probably tell them that Scouts are expected to bring their cup or spoon and ask why they hope to have one for them.
• A child doesn't like the food his pack prepared and tells mom or dad to share their food with them. What would a Scouter say to a Scout in the same situation?

We should discuss this well ahead of time with our children and explain that they need to accept the same responsibility for preparing and packing as any other Scout would; that they'll be eating what his or her pack brings, not what we bring, that we'll be there as a Scouter and they'll be there as a Scout. If they find that they have forgotten something, they'll speak with their Cubmaster or den leader about the problem.

You may want to arrange for some specific time within a Scouting activity where you switch from the Scouter and Scout roles to the parent and child for a while. Maybe this is a few minutes before bedtime or just after a meal. You can both walk away from the group for a bit, address any concerns, share your thoughts, and then go back to the Scouter, Scout role. Discuss this idea with the other parent/Scouters and see what you come up with. There will be times, especially with younger Scouts, when they need some consolation or help that only a parent can offer. When those times come, it's a good idea to step out of the Scouter/Scout role, step away from the group and resolve the issue.

What we do as parents affects only our children; what we do as Scouter's affects other people's children. If we understand the difference and prepare our sons and ourselves to observe the boundary between the two, we'll enjoy Scouting together and better help all of our Scouts do the same.

If you have further questions or would like to visit us at one of our pack activities feel free to reach out on our contact page and we will get back to you right away.

Yours in Scouting, Pack 248